Satanism and God

I’ve always been drawn to Satanism, but my mother’s Catholic. Whenever I feel safe with Leviathan just sitting on the chair doing nothing, God comes in my space and starts drawing me out of my respite. I have to keep in mind that I have sinned. I’m right at home with Saintism

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I know this is a recurrent issue for you and as I’m sure I’ve said before, no one but you can ever know who you truly are or what you truly believe. If you want my opinion, no one is a ‘sinner’ and no one is ‘pure’ or ‘innocent’ either. We’re all just stumbling around in the dark, making mistakes, but trying to do what we believe to be the right thing. Instead of trying to please a Higher (or Lower?) power, you might feel less torn if you focused more on the here and now, this life and the people you love and who love you. You seem like a lovely person and I hope you find what you’re looking for within yourself. :sparkling_heart:

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Please understand I am not being mean here. This is a thought from years of special education work and ADHD/spectrum life.

If you’re having feelings like that, maybe see a therapist.

Sometimes paranoia can be seen as deities or spirits “bothering you”. It can also be emp. Electricro Magnetic Pulses, like a fried capacitor or fuse in something like a thermostat or a/c unit in your house, affecting brainwaves. There’s a myriad of things it could be.

On a spiritualist front,

Also try putting rose quartz in every room. Start at the front door and head left, throughout the house, burn sage and set the crystals on the floor by windows and doors. Even small ones will work. “This is my space and my space alone, nothing and no one else is welcome here unless I invite or invoke them”… Say it in every room. It cleanses the space and sets you in control. Continue through every room head left until you return to your front door.
If you feel so compelled, add salt, lavender and sage together in a bottle of moon water and starting at the left spray it outside your house, then in the yard and around the perimeter… It’s best to use a couple of gallons of moon water and a garden sprayer for the whole yard. Don’t use very much salt though. It isn’t good for the grass, but say 1/2 a cup of salt in 2-3 gallons of moon water is totally fine.

I’d try the cleansing first, then call around and have your a/c and electrical wiring checked. Conduits and electric panel…

If that doesn’t provide answers, see a therapist to determine if you’re having anxiety attacks or something and just don’t realize that’s what they are.
Peace should not be something you need to fight for.

You’re right. I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia, and these energies are just things my mond makes up. I have been to therapy, which helped. Now Im in NA and we have to have a higher power to relieve us of drug use. So, is my higher power just a figment of my imagination since my diagnosis? I think what I believe in is important and I just take it day by day. Sometimes God, sometimes Satan. Wherever I find myself, I will worship my surroundings. Thanks for your (both of your) advice.